don't stop believin'

one of my many entries for this ongoing blog of songs that stir up the memories that you don't want anymore. or so to speak.

i had a particular like for Journey in the mid-90's due to the girl i was seeing at the time. i moved on quickly. regardless i did still kinda like this song to a point...that point being pummeled to death in October 07.

i was out with the ex-girl and we were meeting a friend of mine and his friends at Monkey Shines in Madison, WI. the name is misleading. you think dive, it's actually decent. it's the clientle that makes it a dive.

we were having a good time, talking, catching up with familiar faces, when they started kareoke (sic). couldn't tell you what the first few songs were and i lost track of the girl while talking. next thing i know she's trying to score some weed. very long story, cut to the chase: i dropped this so called deal off at another nearby bar where she was going to make the supposed deal...i was never into it in the first place, this girl proved to have no connections, and it was the first time i realized that my girlfriend had no head on her shoulders once booze hit her.

it was eye opening, yet i shrugged it off at the same time. the song and memory is stuck with me to this day, and i still see stupidity...two drunk couples collectively picked this to play, and they are singing along. i wish them herpes.

like a hurricane

so this was going to be a nice paragraph of intro...fuck that. i found the song title, i'm tired, and frankly this day needs to end.

stupidly runs amok. watch "the grifters". don't get played. don't get involved, regardless of how much you may think you care. caring doesn't cure. a nice kick in the balls is all it takes.

sulk

i live my life in lists. i walk into work and i have one started for the day, i schedule my time according to how i can do five things at once, my orders are lists, and when i leave i always have the next days list started. it never really stops, and while i dislike being at work every day, for not being in yesterday all it did was make life harder for me today.

so, it's just another list today.

1) Fat Tire Ale. it makes me happy to finally taste it again for the first time in seven years. once again, it's the little things.

2) my fallback dinner right now is properly seasoned basmati rice (half cup rice for one, half stick of unsalted butter, garlic powder, onion powder, generous amounts of cumin, a little cayenne, black pepper, and a touch of old bay), two eye of round steaks (seasoned with the afformentioned garlic and onion powders, as well as lemon pepper, and a gentle slather of EVO), and, as my crime against the culinary world, a can of french cut green beans (not sodium free!). the combination of all three, with a properly mixed gin and tonic (one wedge of lime, squeezed and discarded) is just about heaven.

3) i'm making a ghetto bolognase tomorrow nite. have the quasi-fresh sausage now, picking up the beef tomorrow, got the tomato paste and other essentials already. even have a nice south australian shiraz to go with...ya wanna talk about some good sleep this weekend, i've got the recipe.

4) speaking of sleep, my dreams are just really fucked up these past few weeks. i wake up and always find myself going WTF.

5) my chef, whose job i've essentially been doing for the past two months, is essentially flaking out right now. between the theories my GM and i have we have enough conspiracies for several books.

oddly enough, i bet they're all true.

6) taxes suck.

7) i'm and idiot and agreed to an interview with a guy tomorrow at 11. in the a.m. guess what time i scheduled myself in?

8) i don't read because i feel like i'm catching up on years of lost tv (to respond indirectly to you TJ). it's a sad excuse but it's true. i was finally working my way through the Paul Bowles collection i've had for over ten years when i first moved down here but it's got a good layer of dust on its cover despite being on my nightstand since i moved in.

9) i am, despite the above, rediscovering the sunday NY Times. i bought my first copy since leaving Pittsburgh two weeks ago and still can't believe i gave it up. see last line of #1.

10) i find myself talking to people about the places i've lived lately...a lot. but it's different for the first time, i'm at ease with it, comfortable even, and there's no remorse or even wanting to go back, aside from wanting see a few people that i think are still quality. crap, does this mean i've finally moved on?

fair

a list, of sorts, because it aint gonna be the one that got erased last week, but, well, it just is.

1) i like walking to work. leave about 20 minutes early, walk in ten minutes late, enjoy the scenery and talk to the cute barrista inbetween. makes the day more tolerable with a large decaf latte.

dont laugh. its the little things in life.

2) havent had any contact with any family in three months, aside from emails with my uncle here in NC, who i'm supposed to see later this month. i just need some time.

3) speaking of time, i txted the dude who slept with the girl last year...it was actually good, mainly because i knew she dumped him but i couldnt rub his face in it...some things really arent right, and while what they did fucked me up, everyone gets what they deserve in the end. i got booted to the curb for him, he got dumped for...who really cares anymore.

4) i work too much. what more is there to say.

5) latino music plays inside my head, even in my dreams. even worse: my staff are pivitol characters at times. my main a.m. guy was host to two puked up squirels last week...yes, this is the stuff my dreams are made of.

5a) i woke myself up out of that one, literally catching myself while saying "what the fuck" in that dream. no, i'm not making this up.

6) jimmy fallon as the successor to conan o'brien seemed like the worst idea in the world...until it actually worked. i've been watching late night tv since 1985, i watched carson and letterman and remember when leno would sub in for carson and asking myself Who Is This Guy?...oddly i watch leno now instead of letterman, but i'm cynical enough these days. i dont need any help. the point is, o'brien better be damn good later this year because fallon's doing a hell of a better job than he ever did those first few...years.

6a) and i really like conans show.

7) i still have no furniture to speak of. that is, i have no couch and the tv is in the bedroom because there's nothing else to sit on except the bed (nothing wrong with that...). i just dont have the time.

8) i find myself talking to the ex from pitts from time to time. not sure at all what to think of this.

9) haven't read a single book in months. this goes against everything i've done all my life.

10) i did see Watchmen twice. maybe a third time next week. reminded me of a better time in life.

this is a call

ha, this is a test. see how well you do with a pda with a virus that your provider ignores.

limelight

i got home in time to see the last ten minutes of 30 Rock. it had been that kind of day, hell, week. i went in at noon wednesday and left around 8:30, when i was only scheduled 2-5. sucks when you write the schedule and you don't even know it.

i was told to take tuesday off, first day in two weeks, and i still ended up working. i stopped in at 8 to order some produce and i ended up working the line for about 90 minutes. and then i went to see Watchmen.

but today...yesterday was the buildup. had this party today, 130 people, 5 apps, 3 entrees, 2 sides, 2 desserts, and aside from the fact that my main vendor didn't come through for me today (despite promises otherwise), i made it all work and everyone was happy. two trips outside, one for nearly an hour just to get everything that i was supposed to get on todays' order, the other just for toothpicks (gotta have something to keep that bacon wrapped around the scallop). but it was the latter trip where i finally found something that's been in the back of my mind for seven years: Fat Tire Ale.

i found out two weeks ago that New Belgium was going to start distributing here in NC, and i nearly lost it. and by the same odd chance i'm talking the same night with the beer and wine guy at the local grocer and he says they're going to start carrying their stuff. and i'm walking by the display case this afternoon in my search for toothpicks (always look near the alcohol first; learned this in WI) and what catches my eye: the Fat Tire has arrived.

so after sitting on my bed for ten minutes before falling asleep for two hours because i was prepping for this party at 7 this morning, i am enjoying what i consider one of the best brews ever.

i say it all the time at work, but it is so true: it really is the small things in life that make it worth it all.

(plus my labor is set for the week...regardless of the idiocy of this saturday.)

innocent smile

reconnecting with people is hard sometimes. you tell too much or to little...the facebook thing is the devil and the angel at the same time. already said, but it's true: good and bad. and i've had it for over a year now. it's the people that you never expect that are the headrush.

girlfriend of MY girlfriend 12 years ago...seriously?

in the light

and i finally did the right thing, contacted my dad...all is good but we'll see what happens.