victim of love

tell me your secrets, i'll tell you mine

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so. boy meets girl by happenstance. right place, right time. we both know nothing serious. few drinks, etc, end up outside looking for cab at same time. share cab. rest is history.

and then boy realizes he likes girl, but knows better. girl is much more expressive (of course, i can't be honest with myself for fucks' sake) but hesitant in wording. we agree on "in casual love."

i can live with that.

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i can say without a doubt that i am "casually" seeing someone way above my social structure for the first time. i say this as a statement because it seems so improbable, and basically mind-blowing. at least to me. i don't know what to do half the time, and the other half i feel like a complete nitwit.

"just be yourself" doesn't quite fit sometimes.

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we were out, walking with her dogs (a yorkie, very cute, and a corgie, even cooler) down the supposed last alley in DC where people have addresses. stopped near a place with amazing foliage in front, and she said "i considered buying this place but then i realized no one would be able to find it."

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i spilled random info with my GM and she said what i felt, but just needed affirmation on: run with it, see what happens, don't get too attached.

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it just seems so hard when all i want is to be in her bed, telling me how nice i am and how good i am with her.

just being next to her.

*

this ain't no time to be cool
and tell all your girlfriends
you've been all around the world
talk is for losers and fools

*

i could be wrong
but i'm not

year of the cat

at some point we just want to let it all out. think i've been there but...

i keep thinking how i was talking to her. how much i can't thank her enough. shit. how i'm gonna have to call family and say that of all things, i'm spending turkey day in DC with a girl that i may be in love with...

*

and it hurts. i don't want this, didn't ask for it, altho i looked for it...i told myself that if i was going to be in town for a bit i need to make friends. we met because of her group, i fell in, and here we are.

*

so she bought me a flight. she's everything i want, and yes, i talked with her for a long time tonite. love sucks...

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i wish i could play this song

no title

so. here in arlington, va, for the next two weeks. already stressed, looking the impossible in the eye. it's hard, so hard. vendors suck, unreliable. what am i supposed to do?

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meeting people. finding i still say the wrong thing after i know that it's a sure thing. foot, say hello to hole.

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tired. like you wouldn't belive. and holidays around the corner..