Law & Order
It's been a reflective year. Can't say that it started with my birthday last year, but around the month of May it kicked in, this time of thinking back, pondering, supposing what may and might have been. I've had a lot of good advice from various older folk, mainly being that I need to look at turning 40 as a good rather than a bad thing.
I am unmarried, single, barely employable, degreeless, and somewhat functional on a day to day basis. I really don't care about world events anymore. Glowing pictures from NASA and the ESU make me happy when I see them on my FB feed. Well, that and nice long posts from the Atlantic and the Paris. I consider resetting my life by going to the library every morning but I've been sick for nearly two weeks now and I'd rather not hack up my lungs and blow my nose for as little time possible, thus I sleep all day and maybe work 35 hours a week.
There was a time when I thought 35 hours was a joke. When I felt I was punishing my staff for whatever idiocy they just did. I am a more productive human being, a more responsible and sensible component of society when I work at least 50 hours a week. Fuck, let's be realistic: 60 is the bare minimum.
*
I grew up on TV. My brother and sister like to say that I was spoiled as a child since I grew up knowing only color TV. Fuck them. I watched my first R rated movie when I was 6. I still watch Excalibur every other year or so. It's awesome, and anyone who doesn't like that movie can bite my shiny steel plated and amoured ass. I watched Moonlighting in it's first run, unfortunately defining how I saw (and continue to see) relationships. Northern Exposure wasn't even off the air and I was reading a script from an episode in my english class at OSU. Fun Fact is that my prof was a dead ringer for Dr. Joel.
Which leads me to now. The last several years saw me with Scrubs, ER, and of course, Law & Order. It's superficial, even to the point of being egotistical, that we get attached to TV, the series, the characters, the plots, who cares? But they end up mirroring our life, oddly enough. In some small way I lived David Addison's life as he finally made up with Maddie. I'm on some journey just like Dr. Joel is in NoEx, hoping that he's gonna make it all right with Maggie. Which leads me to these fun loving, no holds barred guys in You're The Worst.
I loved the first season. I didn't want to like it but the first episode forced me to love it. And then the second season happened. And I can honestly say, it is fucking killing me. Destroying me. Making me wonder. What. The. Fuck. I'm. Doing.
It's one thing when an episode of L&O draws great comparisons to The Third Man. It's another when you feel like your life is being scrutinized, and not so greatly. Perhaps I've being too harsh...The entire series seems to be leading up to me just saying Fuck It All.
Do I have a good ending for this all? No. I'm disillusioned. I'm frustrated. Probably clinically depressed (but refusing meds regardless). Should be in multiple 12 step programs, but they are even more depressing than life itself.
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time. I don't know if it's sad or just a state of affairs that I don't even give a fuck anymore. One could say that since I made an effort I cared, but who even cares about that?
I am unmarried, single, barely employable, degreeless, and somewhat functional on a day to day basis. I really don't care about world events anymore. Glowing pictures from NASA and the ESU make me happy when I see them on my FB feed. Well, that and nice long posts from the Atlantic and the Paris. I consider resetting my life by going to the library every morning but I've been sick for nearly two weeks now and I'd rather not hack up my lungs and blow my nose for as little time possible, thus I sleep all day and maybe work 35 hours a week.
There was a time when I thought 35 hours was a joke. When I felt I was punishing my staff for whatever idiocy they just did. I am a more productive human being, a more responsible and sensible component of society when I work at least 50 hours a week. Fuck, let's be realistic: 60 is the bare minimum.
*
I grew up on TV. My brother and sister like to say that I was spoiled as a child since I grew up knowing only color TV. Fuck them. I watched my first R rated movie when I was 6. I still watch Excalibur every other year or so. It's awesome, and anyone who doesn't like that movie can bite my shiny steel plated and amoured ass. I watched Moonlighting in it's first run, unfortunately defining how I saw (and continue to see) relationships. Northern Exposure wasn't even off the air and I was reading a script from an episode in my english class at OSU. Fun Fact is that my prof was a dead ringer for Dr. Joel.
Which leads me to now. The last several years saw me with Scrubs, ER, and of course, Law & Order. It's superficial, even to the point of being egotistical, that we get attached to TV, the series, the characters, the plots, who cares? But they end up mirroring our life, oddly enough. In some small way I lived David Addison's life as he finally made up with Maddie. I'm on some journey just like Dr. Joel is in NoEx, hoping that he's gonna make it all right with Maggie. Which leads me to these fun loving, no holds barred guys in You're The Worst.
I loved the first season. I didn't want to like it but the first episode forced me to love it. And then the second season happened. And I can honestly say, it is fucking killing me. Destroying me. Making me wonder. What. The. Fuck. I'm. Doing.
It's one thing when an episode of L&O draws great comparisons to The Third Man. It's another when you feel like your life is being scrutinized, and not so greatly. Perhaps I've being too harsh...The entire series seems to be leading up to me just saying Fuck It All.
Do I have a good ending for this all? No. I'm disillusioned. I'm frustrated. Probably clinically depressed (but refusing meds regardless). Should be in multiple 12 step programs, but they are even more depressing than life itself.
Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time. I don't know if it's sad or just a state of affairs that I don't even give a fuck anymore. One could say that since I made an effort I cared, but who even cares about that?
posted by jersn at 2:04 AM
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