Can you tell me how she's doing...

Has she really lost her...

*

No viable jobs. Nothing working. No interviews since November. The idiocy of these months, these seasons, shoot me now.

I'm a 36 year old with the mind set of a 21 year old. Fuck. Me.

I see myself in the mirror and wonder what happened. Where did it go? Where is the joie de vrie? I fucked it up doing all this other shit. Playing life. Thinking I was settling down. Finding the place to live. All for nought. I find myself looking at maps thinking I Could Live There.

*

We're driving up thru the Dakotas. Straight shot: up, over, down. And the up part...we go over this hill, and it's like God Himself has just laid out the land. I swear we could see everyway for thirty miles.

That one song by Dave Matthews...

You pay for what you get...

*

It's 3:00 am. I'm staring at a desk and hutch that I have filled yet are empty. Books against the main, a crab on the top shelf. Eh. A friend said Think about relocation. I said: this is not a bad thing.

I look and I love DC.

Then I look at the map and I see South Dakota.

I don't want to be Dr. Fleischman. Dnot want to be Dr Joel. Fuck.