it's time i got back
and i don't even know how i got off of track
*
falling out of life is strange and weird. i walk more. no car. i talk to people when i feel like it. i have that strange luxury, time isn't pressing. do i do the things i want to? not really. am i writing, reading, exploring the outdoors? no, no, and no.
*
i suppose the music aspect can be just crossed off with just one ex...i am still finding new music i like, although just through random places. my pandora.com account is pretty damn good these days and scales the realm from the '60s to now. can't complain. nothing like tooling something to your liking over nearly three years.
*
but.
*
one of my better past friends' wife is doing the Lupus walk in DC tomorrow. they bug me to come, or at least find a way to meet up. and maybe i can make it work. but the magic is gone. i used to work miracles. made lamb chops that were completely unprepared, fix them up and service in under 20 minutes. make rice in under 10 minutes. cook random pasta in the same time. the odd crap that would go wrong with some party, and having to fix it. speaking with the guests. mingle. put on the good face while the sweat pours down my back, hoping that the dessert doesn't settle. knowing that maybe never getting that degree, regardless of what it may have been, english, random culinary, who cares, doesn't mean crap now, as i'm holding a signature cake together with toothpicks and a ganache that i pray will actually solidify 'cause i didn't add that much irish cream for once...
*
but. i once worked miracles. for a while, i made a few peoples' lives better, just for a wedding, funeral, who cares. just for a bit, liking to think i did make a difference, and yes, i did. it's the little things.
*
falling out of life is strange and weird. i walk more. no car. i talk to people when i feel like it. i have that strange luxury, time isn't pressing. do i do the things i want to? not really. am i writing, reading, exploring the outdoors? no, no, and no.
*
i suppose the music aspect can be just crossed off with just one ex...i am still finding new music i like, although just through random places. my pandora.com account is pretty damn good these days and scales the realm from the '60s to now. can't complain. nothing like tooling something to your liking over nearly three years.
*
but.
*
one of my better past friends' wife is doing the Lupus walk in DC tomorrow. they bug me to come, or at least find a way to meet up. and maybe i can make it work. but the magic is gone. i used to work miracles. made lamb chops that were completely unprepared, fix them up and service in under 20 minutes. make rice in under 10 minutes. cook random pasta in the same time. the odd crap that would go wrong with some party, and having to fix it. speaking with the guests. mingle. put on the good face while the sweat pours down my back, hoping that the dessert doesn't settle. knowing that maybe never getting that degree, regardless of what it may have been, english, random culinary, who cares, doesn't mean crap now, as i'm holding a signature cake together with toothpicks and a ganache that i pray will actually solidify 'cause i didn't add that much irish cream for once...
*
but. i once worked miracles. for a while, i made a few peoples' lives better, just for a wedding, funeral, who cares. just for a bit, liking to think i did make a difference, and yes, i did. it's the little things.
posted by jersn at 3:19 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home