fourth of july

so that's today's memory lane/with all the pathos and pain

*

When I was a kid, I would ride my ten speed down to Mound Street, the edge of Capitol University campus, to watch the parade on the fourth.  I remember doing it for a few years with my family, because we all wanted to see my sister in the marching band.  After she graduated, it seemed I was the only one still going every year, and then, I remember midway through the parade when I was 12 (I think) I thought, "Geez, I've seen this all every single year, and all that's changed is the faces".

*

I think I watched the Macy's Turkey Day parade once when with a bunch of friends in 2002.  Or 2003.  I know I was drunk.

*

another chapter in a book where the chapters are endless

*

In a different life I listened to this album when it came out, and ever since then.

I'm happy I didn't, though.  When there is nothing going on in your life aside from work and just getting by, you make these stupid comparisons that hold no value whatsoever.  Comparing absolutes is mindbogglingly stupid, at least in my experience.  Yet for whatever reason I still end up doing it.

Mainly because I have nothing going on aside from work, and the random phone calls from friends that are hundreds of miles away.  Friends who are randomly doing ok, going through another round of chemo, having surgery, suffering a stroke, or dealing with divorce.

It's pretty sad when I'm the one who is doing the best out of this lot.  And aside from tooth issues, I'm a prime catch, ladies...where ya at?

*

what a waste of gunpowder and sky

*

Maybe I need to fall asleep to a book for once, rather than the glowing screen.  Or with a nice woman.  God, it's been a while.

I type this and all I can think of is random afternoons with N when I was still living in Pittsburgh, random early summer afternoons and all the world is happening around us but we don't give a damn, because we're happy to be with each other.

And she would turn to me...one more time...

chasing heather crazy

I like drama free life.  It suits me well.  I can think of very few times in life, perhaps none, where I'm simply doing my job, doing it well (I'm back up to 2003 wages! fuck yeah!), making folk happy, and in between ignoring pretty much everything else.

I watch Archer, Arrested Development, and 30 Rock on endless repeat on Netflix after work.  I have no life outside of any idiocies that happen at work, which tend to be self contained and have nothing to do with me outside of work.  Random French films, all the crap that I used to not even think about...it's nice to take a break and just be.  When my biggest worry is that I didn't get the laundry in the wash soon enough for work, simply because I didn't want to get out of bed, I think I'm doing ok.

Granted it'd be better if there was a nice girl in the bed with me to provide a better excuse for my mind, but you get the idea.

*

BTW, this really is a great album, and I'm really pissed at myself for never having had the chance to play it over the whole house system I had in Pittsburgh.  I could have rocked the suburbs with this noise that Pollard is putting out.

*

Not having a life...not a big deal right now.  I'm happy rediscovering (or simply discovering) music I should have been listening to a decade ago.  Film, art, news, any media in general is a great thing. I haven't had cable TV in months and it's funny how much better connected I am despite it.  Yes, I didn't watch the SOTU this week, but I could have streamed it.  I didn't.

*

Trying not to be so much backward-thinking these days.  As in, "Geez, I really had it better back then" (whenever "then" happened to be).  It's hard, especially since I really don't have much to complain about these days.  A chef friend mentioned that I actually sound happy, to which I had no real response, but then he mentioned that I still mention how much I'm sleeping/drinking/etc despite said happiness.

"You're so used to being depressed and miserable, you don't know what to do when you're happy."

I've made a few adjustments, still working on them, but he was 110% correct.  It sucks when you've been a miserable human being for so long that when shit finally starts going your way you don't know what to do, and simply keep doing the same things.  Over.  And.  Over.  Again.

They're called habits for a reason.  Alcoholism, done, back again, done, repeat ad infinitum.  In and out of love...see above.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed for never repeating my idiocy of Madison, WI.

*

I need to change my "home" locale one of these days, but it pains me to do so.  Thinking over the places I've lived, DC is the only place I'd like to move back to (no offense, Madison or Charlotte!).

life without you

between this SRV song and the Beach Boys "Wouldn't It Be Nice", I can never quite figure out which properly sums up the time of my life where I first fell in love and, subsequently, fell out of love.  Not that it has mattered all that much, but girlfriends who have loved Elvis/Beatles/Beach Boys have fallen into almost a 33/33/33% equation.  The one percent is the one who, of course, I'm trying to track down.  They liked them all as much as me, and even liked SRV.  Hindsight is 20/20.

*

I find I sleep better when I write rather than just fall asleep watching random reruns of AD or 30Rock.  This was an experiment that I didn't know I was involved in, but apparently my body knew all about it.

*

I love this SRV album but I've found myself listening to GBV lately, the '99-02 releases and all it does is make me want to have actually listened to it during that period.  TWAS did a few paragraphs about Isolation Drills the week it came out in 2001 and it's funny how I remembered that review and how much he hated/loved/hated it and it's one of my favorite albums that I just wish I had listened to at that time.

*

In real life news:  I'm back to the salary I had ten years ago, I still love what I do, and Thank God I  Love the People I Work With.