missing the war
feeling lost but focused. on the eve of traveling to Columbus i'm at ease. i look around the three rooms i've managed to finish and feel good. aesthetics go a long way sometimes.
finally responded to the x's query as to whether i had received any mail. yes, i say, but not from WI. i send this message and all i feel is bile, rising in my throat.
i've never understood this, the disconnect and possible hatred that one has after a breakup. disassociation i can deal with, but this...i have a hard time remembering when we were happy at this point. i've actually made a point of going back and thinking about "us" and not even the move in together is there. it's gone, erased. i see us hiking thru the Badlands and Rushmore and even Crazy Horse, but my head has told me that there's nothing left.
*
we had the getting to know you talk, the new chef and i, and it went well for the first time ever. we've both had our personal losses and have dealt with them in our own way. he just recently stopped calling his wifes' cell because he knows she's not rising from the dead, and still travels back to VA just to see his kids. he tells me this the first day we meet, and i feel like shit because if it.
he tells me later, a few days, that he still has a hard time going thru their stuff in storage. it's all consequential at this point, i tell myself, because while i may have lost everything, he lost his wife to a drunk driver almost one year ago.
and i can't begin to understand.
finally responded to the x's query as to whether i had received any mail. yes, i say, but not from WI. i send this message and all i feel is bile, rising in my throat.
i've never understood this, the disconnect and possible hatred that one has after a breakup. disassociation i can deal with, but this...i have a hard time remembering when we were happy at this point. i've actually made a point of going back and thinking about "us" and not even the move in together is there. it's gone, erased. i see us hiking thru the Badlands and Rushmore and even Crazy Horse, but my head has told me that there's nothing left.
*
we had the getting to know you talk, the new chef and i, and it went well for the first time ever. we've both had our personal losses and have dealt with them in our own way. he just recently stopped calling his wifes' cell because he knows she's not rising from the dead, and still travels back to VA just to see his kids. he tells me this the first day we meet, and i feel like shit because if it.
he tells me later, a few days, that he still has a hard time going thru their stuff in storage. it's all consequential at this point, i tell myself, because while i may have lost everything, he lost his wife to a drunk driver almost one year ago.
and i can't begin to understand.
posted by jersn at 1:49 AM
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