but you're the idiot who keeps believing in love

and i type away on my phone cause it's therapy. i can't sleep, long aweful week at work and i'm staring my friday (monday for those in the real world) in the face and hating it.

but that's not the real issue. i'm good at self diagnosis, but i've hit a real wall here. i just don't care anymore. i have these dreams that speak multitudes to me about everything, yet all i am left with is rambling about the pieces and trying to fit them back together.

i've gone out a lot the past few weeks, trying to meet new people, find a decent hub to just be me, and i just don't feel it. and i try not to sink into this seasonal depression that always hits me, i try not to think about how happy i was this time last year, i try not to do any of those things that will just destroy me, but it's unavoidable.

how is it possible to hate someone yet miss them?