when you left you took all memory of me with you

leaving me with no hope of ever being loved

*

i had my fill of work last monday around 8 p.m. and then sat at the bar for a few hours. sometimes it helps me think when i see the people that work for me go about their business, how they interact with the guests, what they talk about, things like that. a double of lagavulin and a few smithwicks helps too, but kalibur only tastes good when you're on the wagon.

inbetween talking to out of town lawyers, bartenders, servers, and drunk off-work employees, i wrote out a few questions in regards to this Atlanta problem staring me in the face. it's not so much that it's do or die for me, because i like to think my position is secure here in Charlotte, but i've come to really like it here. pittsburgh i either loved or hated and it always fluxuated, madison i was indifferent to, then hated, then just merely liked before really hating it, but Charlotte...i loved this town from the moment i came down here for my interview.

and i still haven't really taken advantage of anything. i still don't go out, i don't socialize, don't do a damn thing except work, think about work, and try and rebuild my life from the outside in. i'm going to look at this great old wood desk desk tomorrow morning before work (it has a hidden typewriter space in the middle...ingenious) and it fits perfectly in the window slot that faces my quiet street. third floor view, shaded, people watching, and words. God bless craigslist.

but the thing i guess bothers me most is that i'm really comfortable here, in fact, more so than i've been in years. i'll admit i grew disenchanted with pitts before it was probably time to move on, but the only thing i was able to take from madison was a few good business connections, work experience, and a continual sense of loss, which is finally fading.

i feel good here, and it makes me not want to go elsewhere and start over again. in less than a year.

corporate is pushing to get Atlanta open in March, i'm sure just in time for St Pats, but i don't know. my corporate chef V is pushing hard for me to be the one to take the kitchen, be that guy, the man, and while it's a great compliment (he knows how fucked up this year has been for me) and he's one of the very few people i would hate to disappoint, my gut says stay here.

it sucks, too, because this would be a great experience and big resume boost (gotta look at all angles). i've opened four restaurants, but never in this position and with this kind of say and power. the opening staff and those thereafter for a number of years feed off of this (believe it or not) and from the start i'd have some sway in where the overall feel of the business goes.

and i like this company, a lot. still not sure how solid they are but we all put up good numbers and getting stuff taken care of never seems to be an issue. i can see being with them a long time, and that's not easy to say. i'm...comfortable.

side note, i swear this is the best group of writers that SNL has has in years. maybe two or three bad skits? and weekend update was great, palin and all. holy fucking shit! polls may just shift because the public thinks she knows how to laugh at herself (which in and of itself is not a bad thing...the laughing bit, that is).

anyway. i had quite a few non-negotiable things in regard to Atlanta...relocation expense, having the final say over my sous chef, meeting our regional director one-on-one, and same for the future gm. these things have to happen otherwise i don't happen. oddly enough, salary, benefits, they're in there but there's breathing room.

those other things, it's all or nothing.