viva la vida

i spent some time with my uncle last night.

he's four years older than my father, his brother. 70. i still find that hard to believe. he talked my ear off, telling me all kinds of info, like how the in-law twins bought a condo. they are 91. they just did it and were done. and here i am thinking that my own sole grandmother is old at 90 here i June.

i miss them as much as i don't like them around, that is, my family. how can you love them so much, yet hate it at the same time? i honestly don't know how to get over this anymore...

i soppose i'm tired of losing them, because that's all i had for so many years.