Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling...

Tell me baby, where did I go wrong?

*

I sleep all day. And night. I'm sure a clinical psychologist would say I'm depressed. I'm surprised my family, usually pretty up front with such things, hasn't expressed their opinion yet. The two friends I talk with the most have said it, in so many words.

I'm tired. Frustrated. Unlucky in love once again. Unemployed. I'm collecting unemployment and somehow this is supposed to make me feel better but it only makes me feel worse.

I don't care.

*

I wrote 15 pages the other night. I have a title, and finally a format that I think I like. Character development isn't an issue so much as I just need to work on dialog and scenery. It's a diversion, on I'm sure my shrink from way back would say is a good one.

*

I just feel. Lost.

I've had God as the defining point in life and that didn't work. Work didn't work either. Love, well, just read everything previous to see how that ended up. Even had the combination of all three. That was a disaster. Even had school thrown in for that equation.

I'm sitting on the side of my bed, no lights, Burns & Allen on the tv, my crummy DC English basement apartment that I've always paid too much for but love regardless. And I'm wondering how much lower it is possible to sink.

*

There's a scene in "The Fisher King" where Robin Williams is in the psych ward, and he finally wakes up. And he asks Jeff Bridges: is it ok to miss her? Is that alright?

I'm not too sure of the answer for myself. But I know this: I miss her so much. And my eyes clouded over as I typed that last sentence. And my nose is wanting to betray me. But I'm not going to cry.

No. Fuck it. I've enough idiocy. I'm not gonna cry.