monsterman

so let's see if this actually doesn't run it all together.

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sleepless.  listless.  full of energy at all the wrong times.  finding connections at all the wrong times and places.  if anything, i do have maybe two decent phone interviews early next week.  really just need to get transportation more than anything.  this, more than -anything- else, is what impedes my progress, and i just don't know how to fix it anymore.

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my brother, talking to him a few months ago, he says You're pretty good at making things work, finding ways out of situations.  and all i can say is that Sometimes things really don't work out the way you think, or expect, or how they should have.

over the last eleven months i've been offered quite a few jobs, and either they passed on me or i had to pass on them because of time or circumstance.  and both kind of kill me.  nah.  scratch that. it just kind of pisses me off and really, really depresses me.

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nothing like having to pass on a great job because i couldn't make it happen.  time, circumstance, location, fuck.  not going to lie.  southern maryland has been a boon in the singular fact that i am still sleeping in a decent bed with a roof over my head.  that is the positive.  the negatives build up more every day.  how anyone lives here outside of the military or contractor industry is beyond me.  really.  transportation is a bust.  it's nothing but big box retail or nothing.  fast food or nothing.  i just don't get it.

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if anything, it gives me time to finally catch up on sleep, which i'm good at these days.  i walk several miles a week, say hi to the neighbors when i'm typing off the back deck while they burn off the remainder of last years hurricane, walk my landlords' dog, try to get used to the fact that music is online and not on disc anymore and just plug my headphones in and let 'er rip.

fuck.

nothing like having it all, losing it, and having nothing to show for it.

fuck.