i was waiting for the chain reaction, with the missing link...

I did the dumb thing, for people who are in their late thirties and still have no idea what to do.

I looked up random girlfriends.  Lucky for me, most have different names and locations, but there is always going to be a few that slip through.  And it wasn't even hard digging, simply a name in Google, and there she was.

And fuck if she didn't have the same address.  I have surpassed the odds.

Two different women, entirely different from everything...same address.

Well, the same number.  But.  I've lived a few places...none of them have ever matched up.  I've known a few women, none of their address numbers ever matched up.  So I was bored last night.  Waiting on calls...

*

I did the Google map on her, and...well, let's just say I was reminded of how idiotic it was to get to her place on the hill, and then doing the map to the playground.  All could figure out was that the trees were covering the playground.

*

I told myself, back then, she was the one.  The One.  She had her shit together.  Pursuing her degree, done time with the Peace Corps, single mom with great family, goals, structure...and aside from that, she actually thought I was worth the time of day.

It's stupid to play the What If game.

I played my cards, I knew as soon as I sipped her fathers homemade wine that this was never going to work.  I was stuck in the same place as I have always been.

I love the family more than the actual woman.

*

Just wanted to toss the laptop out into the great wide open just for that.

Sometimes there isn't a good note that it ends on.  Sometimes it's openended.

Sometimes you find yourself listening to "Eminence Front" at 7:24 a.m. for no reason aside from that you have it on your late nite/early morning mix.  And the bass is great.

But.

*

I'll break this down later.