i'm allowed
Thought that I was welcome, but felt like I should get lost.
*
Days grow shorter, but the weather gets warmer. I shouldn't complain, I am in Savannah, GA. A 55 degree night is hardly uncommon, even in the days of global warming.
*
I wanted to just write random stuff but after the slow load for some reason I'm losing my motivation. I'll grab a walk. 'Cause ya know, I haven't been on my feet all day anyway...
*
I walk the streets of DC a lot, at least in my head. It has been the only place I've lived where I really never thought about where I had been before. Perhaps it was the work I had already invested in moving there, maybe it was simply because I had already been on the road so much and been to other places that I was ready to settle in a new place and not even think about Charlotte.
Don't get me wrong: Charlotte was perhaps the best working and life experience I'd had since Pittsburgh. Living within walking distance of any and all nightlife, let alone the great stores and restaurants that were there in Uptown.
I'm fishing for something good in my head and it's just not happening.
*
I'm lonely but not alone. My aunt is here, and has proven to be a continual source of enlightenment. I'm tired but not. Even on my worst days at work right now I'm still accomplishing so much more that I would have anywhere else. Duality is not without its purpose.
*
I would have these long talks with Laura about how difficult it was to separate from my family, the reasons, who I am still in contact with, those who think my mother is crazy. And she would tell me about how her mother or father, who live in Connecticut and Chicago respectively, would have the police check up on her randomly. She was also tired of their random decisions to just "stop over" for a week or two, just to make sure she was ok.
It all sounded reasonable. And then she said that we were through, and it needed to be final, and no contact, no nothing. And I had known this to be a done deal before but we just didn't know how to pull the plug on what seemed to be a good thing and neither of us knew how to make it grow into a decent relationship.
Or at least something that we might like to further and see what happens. I suppose my consolation is that she said she was done with her parents pulling this crap on her, and wasn't talking to them. Eh. I'd be surprised if this happened.
*
Two years ago I was living in DC, walking the gfs' dogs, and happy as fuck. Two years later I'm in Savannah and there is no snow on the ground, I'm working at a place where I still look forward to working every day, and I'm trying to be part of the dream of retiring by 50.
My bank account says otherwise, but we're working on it.
*
Days grow shorter, but the weather gets warmer. I shouldn't complain, I am in Savannah, GA. A 55 degree night is hardly uncommon, even in the days of global warming.
*
I wanted to just write random stuff but after the slow load for some reason I'm losing my motivation. I'll grab a walk. 'Cause ya know, I haven't been on my feet all day anyway...
*
I walk the streets of DC a lot, at least in my head. It has been the only place I've lived where I really never thought about where I had been before. Perhaps it was the work I had already invested in moving there, maybe it was simply because I had already been on the road so much and been to other places that I was ready to settle in a new place and not even think about Charlotte.
Don't get me wrong: Charlotte was perhaps the best working and life experience I'd had since Pittsburgh. Living within walking distance of any and all nightlife, let alone the great stores and restaurants that were there in Uptown.
I'm fishing for something good in my head and it's just not happening.
*
I'm lonely but not alone. My aunt is here, and has proven to be a continual source of enlightenment. I'm tired but not. Even on my worst days at work right now I'm still accomplishing so much more that I would have anywhere else. Duality is not without its purpose.
*
I would have these long talks with Laura about how difficult it was to separate from my family, the reasons, who I am still in contact with, those who think my mother is crazy. And she would tell me about how her mother or father, who live in Connecticut and Chicago respectively, would have the police check up on her randomly. She was also tired of their random decisions to just "stop over" for a week or two, just to make sure she was ok.
It all sounded reasonable. And then she said that we were through, and it needed to be final, and no contact, no nothing. And I had known this to be a done deal before but we just didn't know how to pull the plug on what seemed to be a good thing and neither of us knew how to make it grow into a decent relationship.
Or at least something that we might like to further and see what happens. I suppose my consolation is that she said she was done with her parents pulling this crap on her, and wasn't talking to them. Eh. I'd be surprised if this happened.
*
Two years ago I was living in DC, walking the gfs' dogs, and happy as fuck. Two years later I'm in Savannah and there is no snow on the ground, I'm working at a place where I still look forward to working every day, and I'm trying to be part of the dream of retiring by 50.
My bank account says otherwise, but we're working on it.
posted by jersn at 5:26 AM
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