the slow smooth wheel of disintegration

the lj still fascinates me, these moments trapped in time that remind me of events that i'd otherwise have forgotten about. i suppose if i had access to my pc hard drive in storage i'd say the same thing about the old websites...the stories that i once told are lost in my memory.

wondering about college...osu, pittsburgh, even osu (oregon state, that is)...plotting a lifeline that involved the church, God, religion, marriage...stories, sad stories that made me hope for something better...tales not told because i thought i was better than that, but have realized that just having it out there is so much better...personal degredation at the expense of myself, because who else is there?

i do vaguely remember a bad posting about how much i dreaded being half the age of my parents. i think it was full of hope, promises to myself, but it just hasn't turned out that way. it never does, you know. i had that kind of hope when i was 20 and i know i'm not working on my Ph.D, married, or teaching knumskulls like myself.

hate to say it, but i look at it like half my life is lived. the next 33 years...well, no more predictions.