all apologies
and after all this, there was the engagement.
*
i first met sara when she came back for her fourth term in my restaurant. she left the first time because of school, the second because she needed to take care of her family, and the third because she moved. and now she's back.
not that i'm concerned, she's smart and cute, but i don't talk to the servers that much. but she got under my skin somehow, all because of books.
one thing led to another, and she went out with one of my cooks for a few months. funny how these things happen. one moment i'm sharing a smoke with her at a party and the next i'm making a bad pass at her. we play it off but four months later we're on the road to glacier national park and eating each other up, making fun of all our exes on the way.
"what do you really want?" she said one afternoon in the middle of hiking up Marais Pass.
i thought about it for a few steps, and it had been rumbling in my head for a while. "i wanna be salinger, or heller, one of those guys who essentially write one book that everyone will read. either because they have to or they think they have to because everyone else has read it." i thought again. "something that captures the spirit."
we didn't speak for the rest of the day, i think mainly because we scared each other. we know what the other wants. coupeland came to mind...
we moved in together a few months after that trip, and everything was blissful until the day i got back from work and she was home. but she was supposed to be at work herself but instead was on the bathroom floor. passed out. holding my Henckels paring knife in one hand and several parrellel cuts on the other arm.
i stayed up for the next 50 hours just to make sure she wasn't going to do that again, pills, alcohol, drugs, whatever. but it didn't make any difference. we still fought, still drank, and i still ended up losing sleep because i didn't want her to hurt herself anymore. but she still did.
i left, finally, when i discovered that she was sleeping with my best friend. i was so incapacitated at that point by alcohol that it didn't even shock me, i just realized my time was up.
three months later, in a war of text messaging words over when i'll ever see that japanese print again, across five states, over all our past idiocies, my ex-best friend tells me that he is engaged to my ex-girlfriend.
*
i first met sara when she came back for her fourth term in my restaurant. she left the first time because of school, the second because she needed to take care of her family, and the third because she moved. and now she's back.
not that i'm concerned, she's smart and cute, but i don't talk to the servers that much. but she got under my skin somehow, all because of books.
one thing led to another, and she went out with one of my cooks for a few months. funny how these things happen. one moment i'm sharing a smoke with her at a party and the next i'm making a bad pass at her. we play it off but four months later we're on the road to glacier national park and eating each other up, making fun of all our exes on the way.
"what do you really want?" she said one afternoon in the middle of hiking up Marais Pass.
i thought about it for a few steps, and it had been rumbling in my head for a while. "i wanna be salinger, or heller, one of those guys who essentially write one book that everyone will read. either because they have to or they think they have to because everyone else has read it." i thought again. "something that captures the spirit."
we didn't speak for the rest of the day, i think mainly because we scared each other. we know what the other wants. coupeland came to mind...
we moved in together a few months after that trip, and everything was blissful until the day i got back from work and she was home. but she was supposed to be at work herself but instead was on the bathroom floor. passed out. holding my Henckels paring knife in one hand and several parrellel cuts on the other arm.
i stayed up for the next 50 hours just to make sure she wasn't going to do that again, pills, alcohol, drugs, whatever. but it didn't make any difference. we still fought, still drank, and i still ended up losing sleep because i didn't want her to hurt herself anymore. but she still did.
i left, finally, when i discovered that she was sleeping with my best friend. i was so incapacitated at that point by alcohol that it didn't even shock me, i just realized my time was up.
three months later, in a war of text messaging words over when i'll ever see that japanese print again, across five states, over all our past idiocies, my ex-best friend tells me that he is engaged to my ex-girlfriend.
posted by jersn at 3:03 AM
3 Comments:
it's mostly true, that's what scares me more than anything else. i've never been more pissed off at anyone in my life
I'm reading 'The Grapes of Wrath' right now. I'm amazed by it. I think this is another one of those books that is meant to be read by everyone. I wish I had read this earlier, like maybe in my early twenties. I always got the impression that it was a straight forward story, but my, it's much weirder than that. I'm only about 40 pages in and I'm really surprised at how much time he's spent talking about land turtles. Sure, I know that Tom Joad killed a man, but this turtle survived getting hit by a car!
I'm sorry. I hope that some day your anger will go away. I still have moments of anger thinking about that teen-aged girl I dated years ago, the one who cheated on me and generally treated me poorly, but those moments are rare and getting rarer.
i'reading over thwe spew of hatred from last nite and it just repulses me. still can't believe the last 15 years have been bookended by similar experiences. maybe you really don't learn over time
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