Well I floated down main street, pools of car lights
overcame me, wishing I was still back home
*
sometimes losing it all means nothing. moving into your brother's house, the spare bedroom meant for my niece, her old bedroom turning into the office or some other such space for my brother and his wife. while i've had more interviews the last month than i did the previous six weeks, still nothing. moving here was hard enough, accepting the defeat of my own finances and inability to find a job that would get it all together...
one of the better recuiters i've worked with mentioned how he trys to steer clients away from "honestly...". I beg to differ. all in the inflection, tone, even body language. i used it a lot tonite. was conscious of it, and tried to get away from it, but it is what it is. you set the tone by how you present it. i proved myself by being forthcoming with real numbers and expectations from my previous companies and i backed them up with real world situations. how can "honestly" not be a word to be counted on.
*
but this isn't about that. what it is comes down to how as much as i'd like to reconnect with my brother it isn't happening. and while my sister-in-law is the one i connect with most, and have the best communication with...
i suppose i just need to tell her about the AA and therapy and shrinks and that while i am working slowly towards a non-smoking life and i end up enjoying the bourbon on odd nights rather than every night after the kids are in bed, i'm just not sure how far this will go with my own immediate family (i.e. brother) when there is little if no discussion allowed.
*
my father had invasive back surgery this last week. and yes, i was concerned. but i accept these things perhaps a bit more readily than i should. my brother and his family were up in arms. i really wish i could work up that much emotion.
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.50 cent picture frames bought at a five and dime
*
sometimes losing it all means nothing. moving into your brother's house, the spare bedroom meant for my niece, her old bedroom turning into the office or some other such space for my brother and his wife. while i've had more interviews the last month than i did the previous six weeks, still nothing. moving here was hard enough, accepting the defeat of my own finances and inability to find a job that would get it all together...
one of the better recuiters i've worked with mentioned how he trys to steer clients away from "honestly...". I beg to differ. all in the inflection, tone, even body language. i used it a lot tonite. was conscious of it, and tried to get away from it, but it is what it is. you set the tone by how you present it. i proved myself by being forthcoming with real numbers and expectations from my previous companies and i backed them up with real world situations. how can "honestly" not be a word to be counted on.
*
but this isn't about that. what it is comes down to how as much as i'd like to reconnect with my brother it isn't happening. and while my sister-in-law is the one i connect with most, and have the best communication with...
i suppose i just need to tell her about the AA and therapy and shrinks and that while i am working slowly towards a non-smoking life and i end up enjoying the bourbon on odd nights rather than every night after the kids are in bed, i'm just not sure how far this will go with my own immediate family (i.e. brother) when there is little if no discussion allowed.
*
my father had invasive back surgery this last week. and yes, i was concerned. but i accept these things perhaps a bit more readily than i should. my brother and his family were up in arms. i really wish i could work up that much emotion.
*
.50 cent picture frames bought at a five and dime
posted by jersn at 12:39 AM
5 Comments:
Just sayin'. My life is pretty miserable right now. Graceless and Cruel. That's me. All I've got is God, and He's not really keeping the blackness from filling the corners.
We are total homies, btw. I love Whiskeytown. Bar lights.
I just spent the last two hours talking life with my sister in law.
I wish I could encalpsulate everything we talked about, from meds to family to idiocincracies to just dealing with it all and here I am again.
No answers. I had to turn off my phone tonite because my recruiter and no-longer-future-employer were asking where I was.
I'm stuck in southern Maryland. Think of PA. Think of Pittsburgh and the space between there and Philadelphia. Now think of me in relation to DC.
Throwing in the towel. Done. I called up NC Appeals commission today, even my hearing official was wondering why I hadn't been rescheduled now. All I can say is that I am taking the money and running to a far off land if it lands in my favor.
*
One of my old favorite quotes was "One of the delusions of travel is that you can be a new person in a distant land."
I like to think that in proving this right, I'm also proving it wrong. Every place I've lived I have reinvented myself. Be it for better or worse is for history. What I've done with it is what really hurts.
Hang in there, you guys.
Such a lame thing to say, but I mean it.
E--
Always appreciate your thoughts. God only know I'm lacking them these days.
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