sometimes i feel like i'm breathing underwater

found i left two things of importance back in Madison, but i'll get them eventually. stupid stupid stupid. you move on by not thinking about it, ignore it but maybe that's not the right word. complete disbelief regarding everything, even down to the fact that it was one month to the day between her mom dying and me leaving that place for good. and i neglected the bizarreness of my sister's father in law shooting an albino skunk in her front yard the night i talked to her for the last time, and thinking to myself save a bullet for me.

useless and dejected, all i really want to do is call up all these people there and yell and rant and rave and tell them all how fucked up it is on both sides, and that i'm not the bad guy, but then i remember that i have nothing left there, that it doesn't matter any more. let her say what she wants, believe what she wants. whatever makes you feel better in the end, because that's what lead her to this point. i can only imagine what she's telling her shrinks about me, but again it doesn't matter anymore. i cashed out, and whatever form of reality she's spewing has no effect on me anymore. i got out with one friend left, so considering how i showed up three years ago i'm still ahead in the game.

*

found hums' Downward is Heavenward online, got it burned to the hard drive but doesn't want to burn to disc. irritating. nice hearing it again for the first time in over five years.

it really is the little things...